Y/N

The last few weeks have felt strange.

I've been doing a lot of reading, living through eyes other than mine, leading different lives, and wondering what I want for myself. At this point, it's strange for me to be online. The internet is vast and there is so much I can still see, but I've never felt so empty in regard to all that knowledge. Coming home, at the end of the day, tired, I don't have the slightest impulse to turn on the computer, or even check what's going on. I think it's perhaps the first time since I was 10 or 11 that this has happened.

I went on my google reader to catch up with all those things I am supposed to care about, all the blogs I've been reading through the years, and I realised I wasn't even reading any of them, I was just clearing the list of unread posts, because it bothered me to have 100+ posts in there. I checked the sidebar and I wondered why I was even following those websites. Maybe 5 or 6 blogs I truly wanted to read, mostly art blogs, but even those, I didn't even pay attention. This feeling is unsettling.

I've been absent from tumblr as well, which is very unlikely to happen for 2 days, furthermore a week. I guess I've been surrounding myself with tons of good art that I've become lazy, dependent. Every time I try to create something it's never good. I'm blinded by what I want to be and therefore cannot see what I can be. It's hard dealing with other people's creative work - the perpetual state of "everything is better than what I have", or "why can't I be like x or y". I don't know, but I can't seem to free myself from what I know, whether it's writing, drawing, painting, studying. Through this artistic pressure the web has taught me to live under, I have defined boundaries of what I can and cannot do.

I made a list of things I'd like to accomplish in the next couple of years. I've come to the conclusion that, in the best of options, I'll start all of them and only finish one. Because I want too much. I want to be many things at the same time, jack of all trades, master of none.

The question: is it okay? To know much about many different things without excelling at any? Long term, is it fulfilling? Or do you feel anxiety because you cannot achieve your goals?

Am I thinking too much?

on anime conventions

It's a Sunday, perhaps the first of many to be spent this way, I'm heading towards the bus station, fog all over the air. It seems like a post apocalyptic film, no one to be seen in the streets, but one with a better half-soundtrack (only the right side of my earphones work, but it doesn't matter because silence is all around). As I arrive, Margarida and Catarina are only half dressed (in a non-literal way because that would have been weird), so they find a bathroom in some nearby café. Their cellphones are turned off and the other three and I don't know which café they entered so when the clock hits 9am, we hop on the bus and leave off without them. I felt guilty, though.

Due to the low frequency of the Lisbon metro they somehow manage to get there before us, but being good friends which we totally were not, they wait for us before buying their tickets and we all enter the venue together. Everyone is dressed to the occasion, cosplay and lolita and all, and despite me wearing a green parka and rather normal looking boots, I don't feel like an outsider, because that's the magic of anime conventions, you'll always belong somewhere. I knew it was rather useless to buy Pocky boxes since it would most likely disappear within minutes and we'd all still be starving afterwards. (I bought it anyway, though.)

(I joke on how Laura is probably drinking Thor's sweat from that can, and everyone shouts a collective 'Eww." But she's a purple haired teenager now, she can take it.)

Salzburg

I personally had a lot of expectations towards this trip's photos, since I had never taken this many photos in such a short amount of time. I got home with 1500+ photos just from my camera, so I thought it was going to be painful to choose only a few to share. What I didn't know was that I wouldn't be happy with my photographs - they're fine for me to keep them, but not for me to post them. I went through all my Venice and Vienna photos and I just couldn't find many share worthy pics. My Salzburg pictures are my favourites, so after over a month of lazing around (watching asian dramas, sleeping all day & staying up all night) here they are poorly edited. I'm changing my usual posting method for while by writing useless commentary on these pictures individually, sorry if it's annoying.

After going up what seems like a million stairs in the Hohensalzburg Castle, you are rewarded with this amazing view.

I think I photographed every corner of the Salzburg Cathedral. We arrived in Salzburg around 4-5 PM, went to the hotel to drop our bags and then had lunch at Burger King (I had a lot of late meals on Burger King this trip, one of them in Budapest around 11PM, no regrets!) but after that we headed straight to the centre. Also, I feel like crying every time I remember that hotel bed, the best of 6 hotel beds, I CRY. It was heaven for the tired traveler.

Jeffrey Campbell shoes, WANT. They caught my eye while I was walking, I wish I had the style to rock such unique shoes. Someday, someday. Love Padlocks! Spotted this twice this trip, and I've been thinking about starting this in Portugal. No one would join though, probably. If only we were like South Koreans... This is one of my favourites. Once again, the Salzburg Cathedral ceiling. The detail is breathtaking. I got rollercoaster feelings while going up the elevator despite not having that much fear of heights. But the view makes it worth it!

That's the end of the Salzburg post! Sorry if I got off-topic, that's something I tend to do. I'm not sure about which photos I'm going to post next, and when I'm going to post them, but I'll try to post them soon, otherwise I'll lose enthusiasm towards it and they'll end up forgotten. Thanks for putting up with my awkward english writing, I barely know how to form a proper sentence anymore... Hope you're enjoying your holidays x

strings

Some of the stuff I brought back from my holidays. Venetian stationery and writing tools and a supposed Swarovski crystal necklace (one of two necklaces, the other one was a gift to someone special, and I plan on giving this one away too), representing the three tears I left in St. Marks square during my last day. The atmosphere was electric, and I got invaded by saudade while I heard Yesterday at dusk, so I could not hold back a couple tears. I wrote on my diary that night, but more on that later. I had the misfortune of spilling half the ink over my desk at 3am and now it's only a stain, an expensive stain. I don't know what the last picture is about, though.

I need to find the courage to go through 1300+ photos from my trip. Perhaps I'll post some of them later.

Antiques

Apparently I'm back from my long unannounced hiatus!

With the Summer holidays already here, I decided to go out and take some pictures yesterday and expose myself to the sun (I hate the heat, so I had to be forced out of the house). I'm not a Summer person, I don't like the beach that much and the only thing I seem to like about Summer is really the possibility of travelling with the whole family. 

Well, even though I knew there were going to be amazing antiques, I had to control the urge to put some money in my wallet, which lead to, eventually, leaving my wallet home. I was rewarded, though, with these pictures (I kinda like them, haha), now that my lens has been repaired. 

 I love the motion of the city nowadays. I went out on Friday night and everything was slightly more electric than ever, since there have been a lot of festivities. And the market was also more crowded than usual, with lots of people roaming in the streets. 

 Also, good news, I'm flying to Italy next month, and then gonna visit Austria and Hungary. I'm super excited since it reminds me of my first big trip (Holland/Germany/Belgium) and totally in love with the pictures I've seen of Wien (every library and palace is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s). Any tips on what to visit? X

solitude

Happy 2012! It's been a while since I wrote/posted something minimally interesting in here, but I guess it's the time to start blogging again. I'm trying to work on a personal project, a short video with stunning eye candy (I'm trying...) but it's hard because I barely have time; I always get home too tired to do anything and end up falling asleep before dinner. But overall, it's fine. I've been reading A Song of Ice and Fire, I'm nearly finished with A Clash of Kings and I couldn't be more excited for the second season of Game of Thrones (and Sherlock as well, already watched the first episode!). I haven't been photographing much though, there's something wrong with my lens, it's having a hard time focusing near objects and I have no idea why. Off to do some philosophy homework (which I hate with a burning passion).